Getting Unstuck From The Fall Doldrums
By Liz Hekimian-Williams
Doesn't it seem like this time of year is so hectic, even
though it's not quite the holidays yet? How can that be?
Even though the kids are back in school, there's
general daily and weekly mayhem in many
households. Wasn't there sometimes during the summer
with the kids that you thought, when the kids are back
in school again, THEN I'll have time to do that.
OK... so...where's the time we coveted? We think to
ourselves, we simply can't be that busy now.
We don't HAVE to do holiday shopping YET or maybe
we're just not in the mood for it yet. How is that we could
feel down in the dumps?
I think it's just the fall doldrums hitting you square in the eye.
Here's what I think happens during this phenomenon...
Summer time was fun. (YES, it WAS... come on, fess up.)
There were fun times to be had with the family, even
though sometimes you were ready for a daily break
from the kids again. If you don't have kids, it was still fun
because if you took a vacation, you got away from work
and responsibilities too.
You might have done things you don't have time to do
during the year. And even though it's challenging
to get your
getaway time, most families do manage the knack of
figuring out when to schedule it in, where to go and what to
do. Our two to three week window of opportunity for taking
family vacation time is usually governed by when there's
no soccer practices, tryouts or games.
But AHHH, to enjoy, to relax, to get away from the normal
routines and daily chores, to enjoy the family or alone
time. It's worth it to get that vacation time scheduled in!
But... then it's over.
Back to work, outside the home, inside the home,
parenting, routines, back to school. Don't forget
PTA meetings, work meetings, sports team meetings,
figuring out the daily, weekly, monthly schedules,
transporting kids back and forth to appointments and
activities, going here, going there, commuting to work
perhaps, trying to get to the next thing on time, focusing
on nurturing our minds, our businesses, our families,
our children.
Oops, forgot- laundry, dinner, paying the bills, parent-teacher
conferences, "Mom and dad you're coming to watch my
volleyball game right?", "Can you play with me?", and...we
need stuff from the supermarket.
Oh no, the car broke down. Repair shop time. What am
I
going to do for transportation? I've got lots of places to go,
kids to pick up and move around, errands to run OR
I simply don't like to hang out in the repair shop. I just want
to go home! Have you ever felt like you should just go
back to bed and pull the covers over your head?
Whew! Sorry guys. Maybe that was all a bit too vivid into the
doldrums. You're supposed to be enjoying reading an
article, aren't you?
But well, now you know where your free time went and
about the fall doldrums phenomenon. Some experience
winter and spring doldrums too.
But, in winter there's some cool stuff like snow. Well,
in Florida we have lighted boat parades to enjoy instead.
Then there's also colorful night lights, music, holiday
stuff, fireplaces. WE even have one of those although
we've only used it a few times in the last 10
years.
It does give us a warm, fuzzy feeling though, when we do
get the chance to use it.
In spring there's the new everything emphasis going on-
new flowers blooming, baby animals roaming around, and
the sun brightens the days more. There's love holidays too,
like mother's day and father's day.
Yes, this is it. You might just be stuck in the fall doldrums.
Did you know that you can get unstuck though? Here's a
few ideas to help you get started.
Make the decision to uncomplicate your life in at least one
way this month and put it into action. You think, something's
got to change. Well fine. Do it. Make that one change.
Next, make a decision to enjoy doing something with your
family, grandparents, spouse and/or kids. Now you've GOT
to schedule it in or it may not get done. Sometimes the best
way to figure out what you could do together is to just ASK
THEM. Just sit down and ask your partner or your kid what
they'd like to do with you if you had an hour to spend with
them, doing whatever they'd like to do.
Don't faint on me. Just don't forget to garner up all
your courage and brace yourself for their answers BEFORE
approaching them! Even afterwards plan on talking yourself
into doing a surprising request or one you normally would not
have suggested yourself. I'm just about there myself now with
a recent request I had. I'm readying myself to play the
Twister game as requested by one of my beloved little ones
underfoot here
Twister... remember that classic where you torture every
muscle in your body as you twist arms and legs over and
under others and between your own so you can have the
correct hands and feet changing to the announced colors,
all without falling?! Oh, I'm sure we'll be laughing by
the end of it all as long as they don't have to rush me to a
doctor for a sprained some-thing-or-other.
Go on, ask grandma or grandpa what they'd like to do with
you or just do something uncharacteristic, like take them
out to the movies while the kids are in school. Try the early
matinee show. Take them out for a cup of good coffee or
bowling, or mini-golf or something.
If they're not in the area, how about you send them an
impromtu card and/or gift and give them a phone call or
send them an email. Almost anything will be fine, but
especially things that are normally uncharacteristic so
they'll be more memorable.
It will give you a time to share your thoughts, feelings, and
love. It will break up your monotony and daily routines.
Replace a few of the "have to's" with a "want to" or a "like to".
Also, get some help for yourself, if you can. Consider online
support groups and chats, neighbors, friends, ask help with
or start your own carpooling. Look at your family finances and
see if you can afford a housecleaner even once a month or
one day of afterschool care, perhaps a babysitter twice a
month for you and your partner to go out on a date. See if
you can barter or trade with someone something you want
for something they want that will help both of you out.
Finally get going with some goal or desire for yourself.
Even if it's a small one. Maybe it's just to relax for 10 minutes
a day by reading a novel or going for a short walk. Maybe
you want to begin a new habit of getting yourself a book at
the library each week or two.
By the way, if any of you haven't discovered this yet, it's
worth a mention. If you happen to be a parent that drives
around the kids a lot and waits in waiting rooms or in your
car or wherever, for medium to long periods of time, it is a
wonderful thing to discover taking a book and/or magazine
along with you whenever you're on the road. That was
something that I started doing a few years back and I've
valued that change ever since. The unwelcome wait time
is now often a relaxing time while I read something I enjoy.
So, think about it and do something to get more fun or
relaxed time so you can get out of these fall doldrums.
Remember the importance of every day. We can all strive
to value and enjoy each day a bit more to a whole lot more,
both individually and alongside those we care about most.
Copyright 2002 Elizabeth Hekimian-Williams
About the Author Resource Box:
Liz Hekimian-Williams is founder of
Giftsprings.com,
a licensed mental health counselor, Dan's loving wife,
mom to three active kids and editor of the Giftsprings
newsletter. She values family life and is supportive of
others who wish to work at home to improve their family
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